What were you like in your teenager days? The rebellious,
spunky, outgoing type or the naive, slightly reserved and carefree type?
Actually, come to think of it, all of us are pretty much the same, we are
discovering life, we are discovering ourselves, and of course we are also
discovering......porn!
Ah yes!! Porn! What did you think about that as a teenager?
We all know the forbidden aura and taboo that surrounded(?, surrounds) it. It
was something that marked your entry into adulthood, like you were a REAL man
when you bragged to your friends about this latest 'film' that you saw. At the
same time, you felt guilt, a very secret one, one that you didn't want to feel,
your innocent brain trying to brainwash you into making you accept that it is
okay. And sure you tried super hard and honestly to not see it again, you might
have even swore to people and even God among others that you wouldn't even
think of it, but as the years built up and you came of age, your promise also
aged and eventually died.
My first encounter with porn was still really late! 19 was
when I first saw someone set my adrenaline racing even faster than Schumacher's
Ferrari and my eyes lost their virginity. Someone doing something that was so
in your face and unapologetically in a world which calls it blasphemous and
apparently deriving pleasure from it seemed so uncharacteristically amazing.
These people are living the ultimate fantasy and getting paid for it, what more
could they possibly want in life, I thought. That was until I saw what a few
saw then, a documentary. A lot more was being shed other than clothes and too little was seen
apart from what was shown. THE DARK SIDE OF PORN, the name instantly caught my
attention. This was different, someone was here apart from the fundamentalists
who was painting a picture of the porn industry never seen before. A fantasy
turned into a harsh reality check and it became the all too familiar story of
someone who suddenly rises to the top, stays there briefly and then spirals down
to a pathetic end, either of their life or their careers. There was never a
happy porn story to tell. But there seemed some respite in the fact that the
attitude of the people overseas was
quite different from what we harbour here. A porn star was also a human being,
he/she too had a life behind the camera, a story to tell and someone cared to
listen to it. As I delved more into the stories the porn stars turned out to be
as in your face and bold and troubled as they portrayed themselves on screen.
Real and reel blurred disturbingly and made me see an actual hero and heroine
behind their screen persona. From having
to combat sexually transmitted diseases to financial troubles, followed by
societal distinguishing and troubled childhoods and family lives, a porn star
faces it all every day. And while we might fantasise about the kind of sex life
they lead with some even calling them 'liberated', 'in control of their lives'
and 'goddesses' and what not , the truth is the reality is a far cry from the
fantasy. The lustful nature of the sex which is increasingly becoming objective
and even abusive would make these people never realize what it is to make love
and feel the LOVE in it. For them, it becomes all about spreading your legs and
shoving and moaning in so called pleasure. And talking about love, can you
really imagine having a love life when your profession is such? So what, you
wake up in the morning, kiss your lover on the cheek, whisper a sensuous 'Good
Morning' in his/her ears, get all dressed up and ready, have breakfast
together, say 'I Love You' and kiss him/her to leave for work and then return
at night, tired and exhausted from what, fucking a couple of guys or girls??
Does it even sound like anything practical let alone romantic! Agreed there are
porn stars who are married and have boyfriends/girlfriends but how much do we
know about the tenure or the nature of their relationship? Is this something
you would or could live with, every day of your life? People say most aspirants
enter the industry for the quick buck, for its magnanimous payroll and it's non
nine-to-five nature. But when you will be spending that payroll in clinics for
tests ensuring you haven't contracted HIV and will be an object of lust and
nothing else in the eyes of an ever increasing number of eyeballs, the money
doesn't quite exude its charm as much, does it?
While there is still some semblance of a structure and
organisation when it comes to the American and British porn industry, I would
shudder at the state of affairs for porn stars in our beloved country. With a
conservative and 'holier than thou' society on one hand and a ruthless, abusive,
uneducated and money minded porn industry on the other with a handful of
concerned individuals who care in between, my 'dark fantasies' have all but
disappeared in the dark.
