Okay, so the much talked about SRP (Social
Responsibility Project) time has arrived! Everyone's heading towards the city
of their choice, many of them (like me) choosing their hometowns and some
choosing other cities in the hope of a new experiences and some fun. Groups of
people moving, tearful adieus exchanged, lots of luggage, lots of talk about
what to do, sound familiar? Yeah, it takes me back to when I came here! Can't
forget the look on my face just as I saw my mother and brother leaving after a
brief look of the campus. I felt like the Darsheel Safary of Taare Zameen Par!!
That one month I was in my shell all the time, hardly feeling like talking to
someone. There was this thing of having the opportunity to start things all
over again, but it seemed like a rather uphill task. It took me a month, a
month of feeling somewhat isolated and unwanted, of crying silently at times to
realise what a pain the a** I was being! Actually, it's just that I took a
longer time to open up but once I did, just like a certain Mr. Bond, the world
is not enough for me!!!
It has been AN experience, it really
has been!! I see myself evolve everyday and am amazed at times as to why wasn't
I moving at this pace before? Okay, I haven't become Mr. Popular Phadkar but
still, I have a group of people I can claim to be good friends and that's the
way I always wanted it. I have never wanted to be a part of monstrous groups,
wanting to be in the limelight all the time. I keep fluctuating between my
moments of fame and shame! And let me tell you, you hardly need big things in
life to make you feel famous! You might not even have an inkling of a fan but
according to me, if you have had moments where your thoughts have been
wholeheartedly supported, a laugh and smile shared here and there, a moment or
two in the day which you ruled, that does the trick for me!! You have to learn
to relish moments in a day first, forget moments in life! Yes, clichéd, I hear
you but no, it is true! You can't believe how much small things happening in
one single day, from the moment you get up to the moment you sleep can affect
you as a person. You can see things about other people, about yourself, about
situations in a whole new way and then your perspective towards them changes. A
very sensible friend of mine once told me this amazingly true fact about the
brain. She said that once your brain considers a conflict that you have been
deliberating upon since a significant period of time and struggling to find a
solution to, it pushes itself into relieving you of that problem. And it does
so rather quickly, and after that moment of solution, when the brain sorts out
things for you, no other similar situation at any point in the future can
affect you anyhow. You develop a permanent shield against the situation and the
emotions it evokes. You are invincible to it. It is you and not other people
that make your choices for you from then on. So true!!
There are times when I look at the
face in the mirror which faces me and I can't help but smile and wink at that
face which looks back! I see it in those eyes, I see it in that glow, I know I
am going ahead, not backwards, not sideways. Sometimes we don't see much
eye-to-eye but its okay. Who doesn't flounder on the way? And why shouldn't
one? You must hear this song called "Let Go" by Frau Frau! One line
in the song says, 'There is beauty in breakdown'. Couldn't be truer or anymore
beautiful! There indeed is beauty in breakdown! So do let go off the shield you
wield over your emotions once in a while!! Cry hard if you are hurt, laugh like
you are dying tomorrow, express love, whether to your beloved (if you happen to
be lucky enough to have one!) or even to your friend who meets you every
morning with a smile on his/her face, calls out your name in a hundred
different and stupid ways, hurts you unintentionally but also puts the broadest
smile of pride and contention on your face the moment before you are about to
retire for the day. And you don't even need to do this every day! But every
once in a while, do let the ones who make your life special know how much you
treasure it, think for the moment, and lastly don't forget that YOU make your
life special in the biggest way because you own it, you give it a name, your
name. So don't forget to love yourself and look in that mirror and wink at that
face with pride, its one beautiful face!!!
