THIS IS LIFE!!!

There was just something about today!There just had to be!!From the moment I woke with my laptop in front of me with an article by some eminent academician on the 'Culture Industry' and a cup of hot, refreshing tea in my hand I knew there was this good vibe that I got!!All set for college,the first lecture for the day was of a professor whose classes I quite enjoy and am quite involved most of the times(she does have some dull classes sometimes but then what is perfect all the time?)The morning reading though brief proved useful as I was able to answer some questions that she asked and this being a marked assignment kind of thing,it helped me quite much!!Super involved in the class with a great subject to talk about, just the start I needed!
Break for half an hour followed by another class.This one was by a visiting faculty on Radio Production. I had missed his earlier class as I had gone to a dance competition the previous day to another college and hence had no inkling of a clue as to what he had taught the previous day. Fortunately there were some of my friends who had also missed his class for the same reason as mine and hence we requested him to have a extra class for us. He did not have much to say,within a quarter of an hour he had it all wrapped up nice and clean.But still we were not well versed enough to go for the practicals. Hence,I observed my classmates doing their work and tried to grasp as much as I could from it.At the end of the lectures,I was sufficiently aware of the nature of the work they did.I would cover up the rest very soon!A good learning experience!Also a friend of mine acquainted me with some audio editing softwares he was well versed with,got to understand something about them as well.With some practice I could build up on that,which I certainly will!!I also used the spare time I had in between the starting of the classes for completing an important document I am currently working on,it's almost done and should be ready real soon!So quite a good use of time there,isn't it?
College wrapped up,I was ready to head towards the mess for a warm,refreshing and thoughtful cup of tea when a Journalist friend of mine needed some help of mine for an assignment.More than happy to help and do some work,I consented and helped her with her assignment which concerned editing,a territory I am increasingly getting familiar with and liking!!After an hour or so,I was done with their assignment.The teacher too seemed to be interested in knowing what I was doing and sat with me to tell me the kind of edit she wanted.The final product was good though it could have been better,paucity of time forced me to do just as much.But the rewarding look of happiness and thankfulness on my friends' faces lit me up too.I had contributed to it in some small way and it only made me feel great and equally content.
Finally heading towards the mess for that brewing elixir,I found a nice peaceful spot which had a mesmerising scene in front of it.The hot elixir in my hand and with an amazing song playing in my ears,I sat comfortably looking at the painted-on-a-canvas sky which had brilliant shades of orange,blue and grey to it and the tiny city lights,literally like colourful stars on the surface of the Earth with divine contention in my eyes.They seemed to radiate some of the shine of those urban stars themselves!A day well spent,one of contention,learning and rejuvenation,I couldn't help but wonder and say to myself,"THIS is life man!!"  

P.S-This was the song I was hearing while I was adoring the beauty of Nature which manifested itself in all her glory.You must hear it atleast once a day!!Not much of lyrics and the audible ones aren't really comprehendible but just feel the music from this genius called Karunesh!!You can't help but feel above all things and thoughts that are not worth your attention!!!

EMPTINESS

24 hours lost in gloom and pain,
And there it happened again!
I leaned towards expectations and the expected came
And went,and all that remains is frustration and shame!

A sham of a day with precious moments slipping out of hand,
And now looking at them here I stand
But what's to gain now when it has been lost
When of emptiness I have paid the cost

But all's not bleak as the clock ticks ahead
Have to face the challenges that I dread
Tomorrow is another day
There will be another way
Where a time like this there won't be
because not being me doesn't suit me.


 

WHY NOT ME?

I'm down, dull and lonely

And my heart says 'If only......'

I had you by my side today

Things would have happened in a whole new way!!

I would tell you how much you mean to me

How I saw things and how I now see

But to tell there is nothing and how can there be

When you chose him, why not me?

I would love you like no one could

Things would have been how they should

But you could feel his emotions and laugh with glee

Where are my emotions, why not me?

You know I would stand by you through thin and thinner

Everytime I won, I would still make YOU the winner

What I won is nothing but what I lost is key

Tell me baby, why not me?

I see you walk away with him and now I see

Why it was him, why not me!

We had to part ways when you held his hand

And for someone to hold mine, here I stand! 

THE STORY OF A STAR

Once upon a time not too far
Came onto this planet a bright,shining star
There was thunder, there were storms, there were tell tale signs
Something different had come along the line

After 21 years,the star had grown
Through a journey of time and experiences unknown
She was brighter,she was stronger,her eyes radiated charm
The very same one that caused various hearts harm
She struck me,the aura was spelt
Never since have I the same way felt

Then she flashed those pearled weapons at me
Starstruck?Don't blame me,I had to be!!
She extended a hand,never to be left again
One that will hold strong through trials and pain

How time froze and then how it flew
How it changed so much I never knew
Her entry was an enigma,her effect infectious
Engulfing me everyday,it was strange and vicious!

Today she shines 22 times brighter and wider
Love and Success seem to define her
Her past is history
Her present seems a mystery
But don't be fooled in what her future lies
For it radiates brightly just like those eyes

BOND,CONNECTIONS,LOVE AND WORTH

A day that seems not very fruitful !!Maybe it's because I didn't go for my morning jog,succumbing rarely to sloth,maybe its because there wasn't enough of worthwhile things I did today,or maybe it's because I feel something's missing.Anyways,the gravity of the situation is not that grave,just that there seems to be an incompleteness to the day which I am trying to fill somewhat as Pink Floyd is helping me in it by crooning Poles Apart in all it's glory for me!!
Have you felt this incompleteness anytime?That you are not sad but you feel the day was incomplete?Tonight,I am in a rarely thoughtful mood!The smallest and slightest of incidents are bringing up rather deep thoughts in my mind,not necessarily sensible ones though!Picture this,I am scrawling down Facebook,checking out what everyone has to pour out of their hearts today and I see a friend of mine being tagged by some other friend of hers over some friendship poem thing.Ignoring whatever the poem or what it seemed to be like,I started thinking about the person,my long lost friend.Where was she?Pretty much in the same city that I am currently in,probably a 10 minutes ride apart from my home but she hadn't contacted me since what seems like ages now.The world has truly become a busy place,thanks to technology!!People don't seem to have time to 'connect' and 'bond',unless its a Physics or Chemistry practical ofcourse!!Someone had also attributed technology of making the world a 'global village' where people have come closer.Hmmm,I bet he'd have a tough time deciphering out this case,when people of the same village are two worlds apart!!
Another instance which I encountered earlier in the day was this couple sitting in a cafe where I was present with a group of friends,discussing some serious SRP work.Oblivious of everything,they seemed to be in a world of their own.(I guess I shouldn't miss my college too much!)They were all eyes in eyes,pearly smiles,hand in hand and ears tuned to receive only one frequency,that of their beloved!Ah,the 'Ishq Wala Love',I thought!May God bless them both and maintain their love and caring till atleast they walk out of the cafe.In today's world,such love is a discovery!These two can NEVER go wrong,never!!In a generation that says,"Of Course I Love You......Till I find Someone Better"they will be a revelation!!Oh yeah?Says who?Says Me!!Yeah,someone who hasn't even had a sneak peek into what a relationship is says this!!Shut up and do your work!!It is none of your business!!True actually,but you see such small things prompted a rather long and silly train of thoughts!
Leaving aside such stupid thoughts,lets move onto better ones.One thing that I can claim I did worthwhile today was a visit to a home for the disabled,weak and the elderly.The visuals from there brought about so many emotions within me!One was of sheer respect,for the people there who are still managing a smile with a song on their lips when someone comes to see them and give them a little company.Second was of worthlessness,of being fully able physically but not quite performing at peak.The absence of that contention that so brightly reflected from their faces at that moment surely wasn't good.Third was of the divide between them and people who are far better off,physically and financially,the rich brats!They have such access to do so many things of value but such few indulge in it!They'd rather seek pleasure in a Playstation than come play with these people.Really man,its ironic!They are ready to afford such for-the-moment pleasures which are bloody expensive but crib at the idea of gaining invaluable insight,pleasure and catharsis at as simple and inexpensive places as these.
Hmmmm,some train of thoughts I am building!!Let me end this article and day with these last lasting thoughts of those children and the elderly people.I hope I do things much more worthwhile from now on so that I feel better the next time I see such gifted angels!    
  

SRP(SEARCH, RECIEVE, PRESENT)

Okay, so the much talked about SRP (Social Responsibility Project) time has arrived! Everyone's heading towards the city of their choice, many of them (like me) choosing their hometowns and some choosing other cities in the hope of a new experiences and some fun. Groups of people moving, tearful adieus exchanged, lots of luggage, lots of talk about what to do, sound familiar? Yeah, it takes me back to when I came here! Can't forget the look on my face just as I saw my mother and brother leaving after a brief look of the campus. I felt like the Darsheel Safary of Taare Zameen Par!! That one month I was in my shell all the time, hardly feeling like talking to someone. There was this thing of having the opportunity to start things all over again, but it seemed like a rather uphill task. It took me a month, a month of feeling somewhat isolated and unwanted, of crying silently at times to realise what a pain the a** I was being! Actually, it's just that I took a longer time to open up but once I did, just like a certain Mr. Bond, the world is not enough for me!!!

It has been AN experience, it really has been!! I see myself evolve everyday and am amazed at times as to why wasn't I moving at this pace before? Okay, I haven't become Mr. Popular Phadkar but still, I have a group of people I can claim to be good friends and that's the way I always wanted it. I have never wanted to be a part of monstrous groups, wanting to be in the limelight all the time. I keep fluctuating between my moments of fame and shame! And let me tell you, you hardly need big things in life to make you feel famous! You might not even have an inkling of a fan but according to me, if you have had moments where your thoughts have been wholeheartedly supported, a laugh and smile shared here and there, a moment or two in the day which you ruled, that does the trick for me!! You have to learn to relish moments in a day first, forget moments in life! Yes, clichéd, I hear you but no, it is true! You can't believe how much small things happening in one single day, from the moment you get up to the moment you sleep can affect you as a person. You can see things about other people, about yourself, about situations in a whole new way and then your perspective towards them changes. A very sensible friend of mine once told me this amazingly true fact about the brain. She said that once your brain considers a conflict that you have been deliberating upon since a significant period of time and struggling to find a solution to, it pushes itself into relieving you of that problem. And it does so rather quickly, and after that moment of solution, when the brain sorts out things for you, no other similar situation at any point in the future can affect you anyhow. You develop a permanent shield against the situation and the emotions it evokes. You are invincible to it. It is you and not other people that make your choices for you from then on. So true!!

There are times when I look at the face in the mirror which faces me and I can't help but smile and wink at that face which looks back! I see it in those eyes, I see it in that glow, I know I am going ahead, not backwards, not sideways. Sometimes we don't see much eye-to-eye but its okay. Who doesn't flounder on the way? And why shouldn't one? You must hear this song called "Let Go" by Frau Frau! One line in the song says, 'There is beauty in breakdown'. Couldn't be truer or anymore beautiful! There indeed is beauty in breakdown! So do let go off the shield you wield over your emotions once in a while!! Cry hard if you are hurt, laugh like you are dying tomorrow, express love, whether to your beloved (if you happen to be lucky enough to have one!) or even to your friend who meets you every morning with a smile on his/her face, calls out your name in a hundred different and stupid ways, hurts you unintentionally but also puts the broadest smile of pride and contention on your face the moment before you are about to retire for the day. And you don't even need to do this every day! But every once in a while, do let the ones who make your life special know how much you treasure it, think for the moment, and lastly don't forget that YOU make your life special in the biggest way because you own it, you give it a name, your name. So don't forget to love yourself and look in that mirror and wink at that face with pride, its one beautiful face!!!

HOLD ON.......

When someone leaves you for someone better or worse
The heart cries foul and times are adverse
You forgave them for all that that they lacked
They forgot you for all that you had

You think of the times when you had someone to care
Someone with a smile or tear to share
The smile is left but tears come falling
The one you call for cant hear your calling

Just then my friend,hold on and wait
Coz unknown to the world are the games of Fate
From rags to riches and riches to rags
This life lifts you or it makes you gag

What was never yours will be yours someday
Just let the sunshine come to make hay
Coz when you will be there where none have been
Hard as they try,none will be able to rob your sheen
  

THAT'S THE WAY LOVE GOES......

I see her smile,I see him smile and an aura seeps

She has the glint in her eye,he has the sparkle on his lips

Laughter and joy resound with vigor,clearly as I can hear it

As I stand in silence and I bear it

I look at them frown,I look at them stare

I look at the love that they spread and share

So selfless and yet so selfish it is

They want nothing but all of each other

Every other soul and thought is hardly of bother

They are in ecstacy and they know they belong

Every problem has sung it's swansong

They are true and at their best the moment they meet

Everything that succeeds is memorable and sweet  

They walk as one with two feet,not four

The words are scarce,the eyes speak more

The hands held tight prepared for every fight

They ascend in golden oblivion under the sunlight

                

LIFE AS I NEVER KNEW IT

                                                       LIFE AS I NEVER KNEW IT
There ain't no platinum records in my cupboard but life seems to be churning out the best of music, belting out melodies of happiness, contention and pride.
Feels so far that I have traveled,the journey is amazing!The memories are astounding and the people as assuring as the feeling itself.
Have so much to say,have so much to do.Life's extending me The Hand and its taking me places too.
Never knew I could be someone I stared at from a distance,never realized the importance of every instance.
Dreams come true and life is fair,you just have to stay and strive it out there!

Time is too less to complain and crib
Time is abundant to sweat and smile
Decisions are many but only a few count and matter.
So let go off your ideas and let doubts shatter!

 
   
 

KYA HAI YE,MATLAB HAI KYA YE LADKI

Okay!!So today I will write about a special person!Someone whose entry in my life has been quite happening,who has made her own unique contribution towards making me a better person.She is actually one of those people who enter your life for a purpose!!Her purpose??Well,I couldn't tell just one purpose.She entertains,she listens,she understands,she connects,she shares(though time will make it even better)and she is just uniquely and awesomely her!!Alright,enough of the flattery,or else I will find her head in the clouds somewhere from tomorrow!!(:P)
 Okay,so where do we start from?I think we can start from the time I came here,wasted the first month feeling lonely and then started to come out of my stupid,self-imposed 'no entry' zone.I don't remember the scenario exactly but it was one of the morning classes and I was listening deeply to the teacher.I just happened to sit near her and at one instance,I saw her and she reciprocated by giving me a smile(of which I am so accustomed now!). That was for some reason quite refreshing for me!I mean till then, most of the girls looked at me blandly or slightly twitched their lower lip as if it were a difficult yogic exercise to smile and be polite!I reciprocated her smile and in the break between the classes,she came up to me to introduce herself,'Hi,I am Astha!'with the Colgate smile still bling-a-ling.I introduced myself rather coyly and we started talking.We started in the regular way,discussing our respective cities,academic backgrounds etc. and the rest,as they so beautifully say,is history.It has been approximately three months from that day and today I can without a shade of doubt claim that she is one of my close friends here!!She has brought many new friends into my life but she remains somewhat special to me.And when her tall,not-so-imposing,vivacious frame comes near you,the 'Colgate Smile' virus infects you and trust me,you don't want to get treated!She is entertaining,she makes crazy faces,she is unpredictable at times,she is lazy,she endorses Boost at times,she makes your happy times happier and lends that precious ear to you when you most need it!She seems confused and self-confessedly weird but behind all that is a deep and determined girl,who will surely make her mark someday,she writes with her heart and not the pen and yes,she hates my singing and when I dance around randomly on the street which I love!!
So my dear Deedee,what I mean to say through all the flattery that I have so generously heaped on you is that you ROCK!!!Just always be the way you are coz being you suits you and yeah,please continue to tell me to shut up when I try to sing and when I dance randomly.Please bear me when I am at my pathetic best and in the end,"OH PALEEZ,PALEEZ DO NOT PUSH THE BUTTON!!!!"

                                        I DREAM OF PARA...PARA...PARADISE!!!!
Sorry Coldplay,sincere apologies for not hearing this song some time back,I missed out on it for quite sometime.But better late than never!Anyways,the reason I mentioned this song and I am writing today is I feel just like this song,in Paradise!!No precise reasons,maybe I am just loving being ME finally!!I feel liberated,confident,optimistic and determined!This place(SIMC)surely has something magical about it!It can take you out of a bad day like really fast,it makes you serious,like not boring serious but logical and practical serious.There are 'learning takeaways'(quoting my friend Dean here!)almost everyday.
Needless to say,I am surely not the person I was sometime back!There has been change,and a substantial one at that.And there's still a lot more to be done!But coming back,what is it about today that makes me feel so happy?Is it just the workload of everyday assignments dropping down and almost stopping,is it Ganapati Bappa who blesses my room with his super awesome presence,is it the jokes and fun that I share with a certain hometown friend,is it my great bonding with my friends in the hostel at night or is it that I take a stand for people and support them everytime,irrespective of whether they appreciate it or need it or not??Actually,its all of these!All of these small and simple reasons have contibuted to me feeling so elated today!!Today also marks the end of my first semester,now we would be specialsing in our respective fields and so the batch will separate academically.Some people feel this might separate the batch emotionally too,which is understandable but I think it shouldn't make much of a difference.Afterall,we are still on the same campus,in the same academic building and in the same hostels.They say distance makes the heart grow fonder,so maybe this slight 'distance' between us will only make us grow fonder!This is our family afterall,family away from home!There IS something distinct about hostel life I guess.The people you meet here,the friends you make here,the understanding that develops between you and them,the way they show you the mirror and make you realise your strenghts and weaknesses is something you will remember for life!(I think I surely will!)Case in point,I have always loved writing but never resorted to a blog to do that but thanks to a certain friend now I have taken to it like a fish to water and realized that I am more at ease with the keyboard than to the conventional pen and paper.I can write with more honesty,sincerity and speed.So there.......
There is so much more I could tell you about,but I guess it would just go on & on!But still,in an attempt to summarise all those things,I would say that I feel like I am back to school and this time I am living the school life I always wanted to!The right amount of discipline,friends,crushes,bonding,competition,its all happening here!I am just reliving my school life here!!And needless to say,I am loving it!!!!

P.S-This post would be incomplete without the song that is the reason for it creation.So people,here it is!  

                            IS THE GRASS REALLY GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE?

Heard about this saying a lot of times and surprisingly,I never gave it a thought.About whether it is true,whether we really percieve things to be like that.But better late than never,the thought of it suddenly struck me tonight while sitting with a couple of friends.I cant quote verbatim what prompted it but I just went into a train of thoughts.Looking at one of my friend,I thought,would I be happier had I been in his place?Not a lot of analysis was needed to get the answer,and the answer was NO!Somehow I preferred to be where I am because thats what defines ME!Its a different thing to be aspire to be like someone and to desire to be like someone.Desire shows desperation.Aspiration is retaining your identity but still being something more than what you were.

Rewinding a couple of years back,I wondered if I thought or could ever think so then.No,I couldn't do that.Mostly,we do crave for things someone else has and degrade what we have with us.The desire to achieve something that you don't have and the others have evokes a irresistible desire to get it,right?Its so intense,impulsive and deep!And many a times after you get what you want,its importance also decreases with time.Once,just once think of what you have got.Look at your achievements,what you rightfully earned,how you were praised for it and how much pride and satisfaction you felt.I bet you,all your cravings will disappear.You realise how important it is to earn things in life.The sense of self respect and confidence that it evokes can be compared with nothing.Realizing it tonight,I promise myself to never compare my life with anyone else's.If I have to compare,I will compare what I was sometime back and what I am now.There has to be that innate feeling of growth in you.I know for sure that I am imbibing this funda right now!!You should try it too and trust me,you will see that the grass is not greener on the other side!Enjoy your lows,learn form them,make your highs and go for it!!

KABOOL HAI?

So lets talk about acceptance for a start!! Hey, what are you yawning for? It isn't boring, it isn't philosophical but it's so connected to our everyday life, every minute of our life I could say. If you have acceptance within you, life would be at it's simplest best! As simple as it sound, it is so not simple to master acceptance! You know whats lacking, you know whats the truth but yet when someone says it out or shows it to you, you are in the most determinate 'I beg to differ' mode! Instead beg to differ! Really it helps. If you can point out your flaws, your weaknesses and your cravings, trust me no son of a b***h can give you a complex!!

Yeah, if I am blabbering about acceptance so much something must have had happened to me which ultimately led me to it, right? So lets not beat around the bush and come to it. Had one of those rather rare bad days yesterday. Don't know why but I was just not in my regular mood, I could blame the weather slightly but that was not the reason really. A reason I could call a relevant one was my parents coming down to Mumbai specially for my brother's birthday to surprise him and I had no idea about it. Had I known about it earlier I could have joined them in the celebrations and had some good time. Mysteriously it was kept a mystery from me! After my Visual Design class Mom called up to reveal the surprise but I couldn't reciprocate her excitement and happiness, I posed the obvious question, why was I kept in the oblivion about this? Mom had no definite answer, probably it didn't strike her. I felt quite ignored for a moment(quite stupid I know but I felt it!).As it is, the pinch of the absence of one special person in my life(not necesarrily a girlfriend!) was there and then this. Okay I am not a loner or introvert who is ignored by all at large but sometimes people behave in a rather strange manner with me! One day I am the apple of their eye and the next day I am the forbidden fruit! And I am like WHAT?????(reminded of a dear friend here!she has this typical style of saying this word!)It used to surprise me before but then wonder of wonders, ACCEPTANCE came to my rescue!I just told myself that this IS how it is whether you like it or not. If you want it to change, you have to be that change. Instead of sympathizing on yourself for your 'sorry' condition wake your ass up and be the change you wanna see! And conditions change you know, they do get better with time. You have two options before you-one, that you crib about how the day has started in a shitty manner and spend the rest of the day in the shitty mode or you crib about how the day has started in a shitty way but then proceed to learn something from that and learn to be happy or atleast accepting about the way things are. And I chose the latter.

Also I cannot exclude the dear friend I mentioned earlier who gave me vital emotional support and assurance when I was in crib mode. She made complete sense in all she said and helped me in strengthening my acceptance, I owe her for sure! Her bright 'Colgate' smile surely lit me up a bit! Now there is more acceptance and consequently less cribbing. Today was awesome thanks to her! So just remember, accept yourself!When you feel like a loser, when you feel lonely or you feel the blues, go by the aforementioned adage or even easier,have a friend like my li'l Miss Sunshine!!:)